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Help! These Thoughts Are Tormenting Me!

**Email Correspondence With A Reader**
**Names Have Been Omitted For Privacy**

_________________________________________________________________
From: Omitted
To: brian@valueoftruth.org
Sent: Saturday, August 24, 2013 3:33 PM
Subject: Help please

My name is[Omitted]

I am [Omitted] yrs old and [Omitted] months pregnant. This pregnancy has brought on so much depression and anxiety. That 2 months ago these horrid terryfying/bad thoughts/ intrusive thoughts started. Like wishing bad things to happen to my family. I love my family so much. So its the complete opposite of what I actually want

I am a christian and do believe.I was baptised. Had first holy communion and am confirmed. But due to being forced to go to church by my dad and getting bad hidings from him if I didn't pass his church tests after church I stopped going at 19.

I still prayed from time to time and went to christmas services.

I have prayed and asked for God's forgiveness for the wishes. But I'm so terrified they going to come true. I feel like SUCH a BAD person.

Please tell me is it normal for me to say these thoughts in my head and sometimes mouth them like its on default

Also I have chants like "satan is not going to control my mind" that seems to work. Or my head will say "I do not wish a disease on anyone especially not my husband ". But sometime my mind wants to change especially to except

I am on medication 40mg of cilift and a light anxiety pill.

But I get so incredibly scared and anxious.

[Omitted]

____________________________________________________________
From: brian p (brian@valueoftruth.org)
Date: Mon, 26 Aug 2013 17:03:52 -0700 (PDT)
To: Omitted
Cc: brian@valueoftruth.org
Subject: Re: Help please

"But they were terrified and affrighted, and supposed that they had seen a spirit. And he said unto them, Why are ye troubled? and why do thoughts arise in your hearts?" - Luke 24:37-38

Hi [Omitted],

I know it may seem frightening to have thoughts of sin (whether they be blasphemy, murder, fornication, etc.). The fact that you are troubled about them tells me that you do not want them. This is normal, and I think your medications may be affecting them, or making them to come on stronger. Its not unusual for mothers even after birth to have thoughts of hurting their children. So your pregnancy may also be effecting your thoughts too. What the difference between those who go through with doing such an act, and those who don't is one thing... their choice to meditate on other things.

I currently take medication for my ADHD (Concerta 54mg), and I think it has side effects such as intense fear. So right now I am battling the worst thoughts imaginable. Sometimes I have to go a couple days without taking my medication just to get some relief.

Jesus said, "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me." - Luke 9:23

All of us have a cross to bear on a daily basis. Intrusive thoughts for some is a cross to bear.

The cross is too heavy for you to bear alone. So you need the Lord's help.

The only way to expel bad thoughts from your mind is to fill your mind with good thoughts. If you fill your mind with good thoughts, then your mind will have no room for bad thoughts.

Let me advise you to do this simple thing: Anytime you sense intrusive thoughts entering your mind, at the soonest possible moment, find a private room (could be a restroom or a closet). Sit down, and read Psalms 119. You don't have to read the whole chapter. But read it until you feel better. Do it daily if you have to.

And if reading Psalms 119 is too hard to do, then listen to it. You can go to http://www.biblegateway.com and click on "listen to..." Here is the link for Psalms 119 in audio format:

http://www.biblegateway.com/audio/mclean/kjv/Ps.119

Lastly, let me encourage you to find a good Bible preaching church (Independent Baptist preferably). But any good church will do fine as long as they believe the Bible in a literal interpretation. And let me also ask you, have you ever been born again? I mean, truly prayed to the Lord Jesus for him to come into your heart.

Let me know if this helps, and if you have any more questions.

God bless.
-------------Brian

___________________________________________________________________
From: Omitted
To: brian p (brian@valueoftruth.org)
Sent: Tuesday, August 27, 2013 1:08 AM
Subject: Re: Help please

Hi. Please tell me one thing. Your intrusive thoughts are they in your own voice? Do you get triggers? Do u find yourself mouthing these horrible thoughts. Like they on auto pilot?

_____________________________________________________________
From: brian p (brian@valueoftruth.org)
Date: Thu, 29 Aug 2013 16:12:30 -0700 (PDT)
To: Omitted
Cc: brian@valueoftruth.org
Subject: Re: Help please

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." - John 14:27

Hi [Omitted],

Yes, the thoughts come in my own voice (sometimes, but other times I don't know), but they are definitely not from my true desires. I know the thoughts you have horrify you. And that is normal. The thoughts I have sometimes are so wicked that it makes me despise myself. As far as me mouthing these thoughts, I would say I mouth or say the exact opposite of what the intrusive thought wants me to do. For instance, I will often say, "Bless the Lord." I say that hundreds of times throughout the day. Also, some people with Tourette's Syndrome have problems restraining words from being vocalized. Sometimes, they say curse words out loud. But they have no control over it. You can see a video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCM6YxlWKaw

And yes, I have triggers. Many times, I cannot read words that begin with the letter F. I hate the letter F. But that's just my own trigger.

No matter what I do, the intrusive thoughts are there, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The only relief I get is by READING THE WORD OF GOD.

"This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me." - Psalms 119:50

Talk to me some more. Let me know what's going on.

God bless.

----------Brian

______________________________________________________________
From: Omitted
To: brian p (brian@valueoftruth.org)
Sent: Friday, August 30, 2013 1:14 AM
Subject: Re: Help please

Can you maybe give me a few examples of your thoughts? I'm so terrified I've caused harm with my thoughts.

______________________________________________________________________
From: brian p (brian@valueoftruth.org)
To: Omitted
Cc: "brian@valueoftruth.org"
Sent: Friday, August 30, 2013 9:51 AM
Subject: Re: Help please

You asked if I could give you examples of my thoughts. Yes; examples would be blasphemy against God with the most horrifying words of curses one could possibly imagine. I have horrific blasphemous thoughts against God that I am afraid I am going to speak outloud (perhaps I may have - I don't know). But I know for a fact they are not what I want to do. It is fear that compells me to do these things.

"And I punished them oft in every synagogue, and compelled them to blaspheme; and being exceedingly mad against them, I persecuted them even unto strange cities." - Acts 26:11

That word compel means to force. Somehow Paul forced true Christians to blaspheme prior to his conversion. I believe it is this same spirit of rage and anger that drives the Devil and his demons to compell us Christians to blaspheme. There is in the Christian no sin worthy of death when he is forced, only when he truly does a blasphemous act out of malignant hatred (which if any does dwell in a person, then he is not truly saved according to 1 John 4:20).

It would be no different than forcible rape. The victim has no desire to be sexual, but is forced. The end result is a guilty conscience with a feeling that somehow they are to blame. But the victim did no wrong even if pleasure associated with the pain was felt. According to scripture, the perpetrator is guilty of death.

"But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die. But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing; there is in the damsel no sin worthy of death: for as when a man riseth against his neighbour, and slayeth him, even so is this matter." - Deuteronomy 22:25-26

What you may be experiencing is a spiritual attack from the powers of Satan. Fear not. God knows your innocence.

"But they were terrified and affrighted, and supposed that they had seen a spirit. And he said unto them, Why are ye troubled? and why do thoughts arise in your hearts?" - Luke 24:37-38

I think your best bet would be to simply petition God for patience and understanding. Ask him for mercy because it may not be your fault at all. You may feel intense guilt, which is normal for any mental-rape victim. If you feel like you may have any reason to be guilty for such a thought (book of Proverbs says, 'the thought of foolishness is sin'), then ask God for mercy and to give you a right heart.

"Repent therefore of this thy wickedness, and pray God, if perhaps the thought of thine heart may be forgiven thee." - Acts 8:22

I don't know how great God's mercy is towards a Christian (or even an unbeliever), but I imagine it is very great. Even the most unforgivable sin can have God's power to not be imputed. May God look and grant mercy his people.

Please write back if you have further questions or concerns. I know what you are going through is a horrifying ordeal. But try to keep things in perspective. It's only temporary. One day you won't battle these thoughts anymore.

God bless.

-----------Brian

Contact Brian:
brian@valueoftruth.org

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