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Testimony: Woman Deals With Vain Thoughts - Finds Comfort In God
Email from a reader

***Posted By Permission***

From: Nicole Lee [nicoleminho@gmail.com]
To: brian@valueoftruth.org
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012 11:19 AM
Subject: Thank you :)

Dear Brian,

Words cannot express how thankful I feel towards you for writing the article on "bad thoughts." As I began to read it, I burst into tears because all that you wrote about was completely true for me as well. For about two years now, I've suffered tremendously with bad, negative thinking. It became noticeable around the time I became saved which was around last December. I'm grateful that you and one other person in this world can understand how I feel... before I found your article I always thought that I was the only person who suffered from this... I constantly blamed myself and always believed that I had some sort of mental defect. At times it would become so bad that I thought of suicide. The types of thoughts you mentioned perfectly describe my own. I would constantly get evil, blasphemous thoughts about God and my families... curse words and continuous sexual thoughts. I knew in my heart that this wasn't right... I knew that these thoughts didn't come from me... because my heart wasn't like that. I had never had any evil intentions towards God or my loved ones... but day in and day out these thoughts were constant. They never stopped. At one point this year, it had gotten really bad and I felt completely devastated because everything I thought was either hateful towards God or my family... out of desperation I looked online and found a prayer for spiritual warfare. I prayed it and almost instantly I felt like a weight had been lifted from my mind and thoughts. For at least a few months, I didn't have any negative or evil thoughts. I was extremely happy but also at the back of my mind I still couldn't help but keep thinking "what if they come back?" I remember I would hear someone say something (a general statement about something else) and I would sit thinking to myself "is it now that my mind will react badly?" It was like I would try to test my mind and see if anything bad would come... thankfully it didn't but it always left a sort of fear in me. Several times, I have cried out my heart to God and screamed and shouted my frustration... I believe He has heard me. I know now that His love is so great and His mercy and grace is so infinite that He'll always love me. It's been hard trying to see myself as "lovable." Because I'm so used to thinking and feeling as if I've committed the most unpardonable sin that it's hard to realize that God still loves me no matter what.

Thank you for recommending Psalms 119... I definitely intend on reading it! Even though, I suffer through this, I think that some good has come out of it. Because of this, I am learning to fully depend on God's love and to grow closer to Him. It has made me have a stronger desire for the Lord and it has pushed me to do things and act differently in order to help change my thinking. I saw on your site, someone else's testimony. He mentioned that when he had realized he wanted a more intimate relationship with God, the thoughts seemed to get worse... I've found that the same thing is true in my case as well. No matter what happens, I still believe in God's word and I know its truth and it cannot be shaken... and that nothing is too great for the Lord to overcome.

Sincerely, Annette

P.S. I wanted to share with you one instance when I really believe that God helped through a tough time. When I was in high school and I was riding the bus in the morning, I was just listening to music peacefully until numerous bad thoughts flooded into my mind. Mainly they were thoughts about God... bad ones... My heart was crushed because it felt like someone had snuck in and robbed me of being able to think properly and have a sound mind. Countless times I had prayed and told God that these thoughts were not my own. I asked Him to search my heart and to see if I've been doing wrong. All I wanted was to love Him and I never meant any harm. I had never wanted to disappoint God and to make Him angry with me. So on the way to school, I simply cried because I was so ashamed of myself for thinking such horrible things. When I got to school I felt a sense of dread and sorrow... fast forward an hour ahead and it was between class breaks that I had to use the bathroom and as I was closing the stall doors I saw on the back of the door "No matter how much you mess up God loves you so much and He is not mad at you. He'll never give up on you ever." I couldn't even express how thankful and glad that message made me. I felt so relieved to know that I had been given a second chance and that all along He has understood me and never stopped loving me.

-- May God bless you for being an encouragement :)

***Brian's NOTES***

Below is my response to Nicole's email. Praise the Lord.

From: brian p [brian@valueoftruth.org]
To: Nicole Lee [nicoleminho@gmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012 5:16 PM
Subject: Re: Thank you :)

Hi Nicole,
Thank for your testimony. What a blessing! Thank God that my article found you at a time of need. When I read your email, I immediately thought about the virgin Mary, when she was visited by the angel Gabriel. The Bible says, "And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be. And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary.." - Luke 1:29-30

Notice the Bible says that Mary was troubled, and cast in her mind a thought. Her thought was a product of fear, because if you notice, the angel says to her, Fear not, Mary. Often times, it is fear that gives birth to our bad thoughts.

"37 But they were terrified and affrighted, and supposed that they had seen a spirit.

38 And he said unto them, Why are ye troubled? and why do thoughts arise in your hearts?" - Luke 24:37-38

Notice we read here of the disciples that they were terrified when they saw Jesus. Troublesome thoughts often arise in our hearts due to something shocking we see, and then our fears give birth to those unwanted thoughts.

But Jesus reminds us that there is no need to fear because he is with us. Evil thoughts ought not to have any place in our hearts or minds.

And unwanted thoughts are an affliction. Believe me, I have had many days where I thought I was going to die...

"Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivereth him out of them all." - Psalms 34:19.

So, its only part of the sufferings which abound in us that the Bible promised which we would have. Some people suffer in prison for Christ. Others suffer with vain, unwanted thoughts.

But we are promised the victory. The Bible promises us grace to overcome these afflictions. Remember Paul, and what God's answer to him was when he besought God to take away his thorn in the flesh.

"9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

God's grace is sufficient for us.

And please read Psalms 119. I cannot tell you how many times that chapter has given healing to my troubled mind and heart. Any time I feel the afflictions coming on, I immediately open my Bible to that chapter and begin to read.

"This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me." - Psalms 119:50

"For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope." - Romans 15:4

The Holy Bible is our comfort in affliction. Especially the Psalms. It is in the middle of the Bible for a reason. God made it easy for us to find so that we can be comforted in our pain.

Again, I am so glad my article was used of the Lord to encourage you. If you don't mind, I would like to put your email on my website as a testimony so others can read it and find comfort knowing they are not alone.

If you'd like, I can keep your name and email anonymous. Whichever you prefer.

God bless.


"Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." - 2 Corinthians 10:5